Ok, maybe not so much wooed. But they sure impressed us. And yes, yes….they proved us wrong…..SOME men haven’t lost the art of conversation.
It was an awesome evening. It was so awesome that the powers-that-be are making it an annual affair. We were in great company – even Twitter friends came out *waves at Hayle and Tisha* – in a great atmosphere and at the receiving end of some great words – including one of our faves…….”fuck”. Know how to use it gentleman.
The men arrived lookin’, smellin’ like a million bucks, reciting poetry and quoting edited versions of famous rap lyrics:
Good evenin’ ladies and gentlemen, how’s everybody doin’ tonight? (alright, alright) I’d like to welcome to the stage, the lyrically acclaimed, ha…I like this young man because, when he came out, he came out with the phrase, he went from ashy to classy, ha, I like that….so everybody in the house, give a warm round of applause for………….Jimmy Smalls. Jimmy Smalls ladies and gentlemen, give it up for him y’all.
We didn’t ask for much. We just wanted a handful of men to show up and “converse” (not “conversate” Dennis!!) And although some of them thought they weren’t prepared, they were confident enough to stand amidst the crowd of ladies. Max and Skye and I sat back and gave the participants feedback (ok, Max and Skye gave feedback, I’m shy) while the ladies in the audience voted for who they thought was “Toronto’s Most Cunning Linguist“.
I was enthralled simply by being in the presence of all the
testosterone beauty of the men and their words. But there were a few pointers as denoted by the judges that I’d like to share with you:
- Quit your rambling. We get lost in your words.
- Chivalry isn’t dead. Some women just don’t know how to appreciate it.
- Be smart (read: nerdy). Our
legsminds will open more freely.
- Being nervous is natural. We like that.
- Ask questions, show interest, be you.
In the words of the great HLBB, “Speak your heart and hers will follow”. Simple right?
Much to my surprise and contentment, HLBB presented the certificate to the man who wore the Air Force Ones that captured Max’s heart (and he fully admitted to having relations wearing ’em)……
“Tonight, you’ve made a room full of women smile, and even more importantly you’ve given them hope. When they left here tonight they left thinking, ‘Yes…there are still some men out there who can talk to a woman’.
Not flirt, not insult, not argue, but talk…they way only a grown man knows how…
Your intelligence and eloquence did more than just impress us.
It made us want you.
These are your bragging rights…in writing and approved by the powerful ladies that be.
Let it be known that on June 23, 2011… you were declared TORONTO’S MOST CUNNING LINGUIST.
Congratulations to “Jimmy Smalls”, who is Toronto’s Most Cunning Linguist!”
Many thanks to the mastermind behind this event, the wonderful HLBB, the eloquent sexiness that is Skye and the one and only Max. You ladies are the reason I write. I am in awe of being in such poignant company. Thank you to Good For Her who provided a goody bag and to Jeff and the wonderful staff at Tequila Bookworm.
Peace and love always my dear friends.
I got to work an hour and a half early today. You’d be surprised how quickly time flies when you’re reading blogs.
I also took the wrong exit but there’s a good explanation for this:
He pulled up next to me in a black BMW Z4 convertible. He was obviously distinguished with his salt and pepper hair, sleek sunglasses which he peered over to make eye contact and a killer smile with perfect pearly whites.
“Do you want a ride?”, he asked over the humming of his motor.
I threw my head back and laughed my hearty laugh. “I’m driving myself thank you”.
“But you need to be here. With me”.
The light turned green and he sped off, only to cut in front of me. He gave me the come-hither-finger motion, looking at me through the rear-view.
My mind instantly reeled full of thoughts: Should I go? Where is he taking me? Do I call my boss now or later? It’s a beautiful day for sex. He’s hot. I wanna drive his car. That mouth. I’m nervous. I can’t do this. Yes you can, you’ve done crazier things. Like what? Remember that time you drank tequila at that guy’s condo? Remember when you skipped work and went to the beach with that other guy? Aren’t you spontaneous? Go. Don’t be dumb. Damn he’s hot.
I drove behind him for 36 seconds. He pulled off onto the shoulder and waited. Did he expect me to just leave my car parked at the side of the road? Yes. Yes he did. I opened my door and stepped out. He got out just as I approached his car.
“I-I, I don’t know if this is a good idea”, I stammered.
“No? If you didn’t think it was a good idea, you wouldn’t have followed me. Come on. Let’s go for a drive. And we can have some conversation”. His eyebrow raised as he said “conversation”.
He opened the passenger door and I slipped inside, reaching for my seatbelt.
He got back into the driver’s side and looked over at me and smiled.
I smiled back and let my body mold comfortably into the leather seat. Off we drove and as the wind started to blow my hair wildly around me, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment.
That’s when I came to and realized I was going eastbound instead of westbound.
I don’t even care for convertibles anyhow. Pffft. I’d rather a sunroof.
Speaking of conversation, we’re almost all set for #ComeAndTalkToMe2011. One week away. I’m so excited! I think I’m more excited to meet Skye for the first time and see Max and HL_BB again.
Ladies, stop your stupid nonsense talking. There’s a difference between talking and being eloquent. Do you even know the difference? Go hit up dictionary dot com. Stupid dumb cunts. Oops. I just said the ugly c-word.
False eloquence is exaggeration; true eloquence is emphasis – William R. Alger
I need another coffee.
I’ve been on an R&B tip all week…….(so what else is new?)
“Now I don’t want to live without you, can’t be without you,
Ever since I let you in the door, girl, I don’t want to sleep without you, can’t breathe without you,
I think I found what I’ve been waiting for, what I been waiting for” – Brian McKnight
I have to cancel dinner plans tonight. I forgot all about this shift at work today.
Harmony. Say it with me. H-A-R-M-O-N-Y. I read a study that stated saying that word periodically throughout the day brings you, yep, you guessed it…harmony.
Peace. Love. Harmony.
*My Eye Candy Of The Day*
Men and their egos. I love them. The bigger the ego, the better the conversation (in my opinion anyhow). How great would it be for you to get full bragging rights to an event that involves your big….ego? Imagine being given the title of “Toronto’s Most Cunning Linguist”? Kinda sexy no? Say it with me…..c-u-n-n-i-n-g l-i-n-g-u-i-s-t. Aye papi.
It’s easy really. Me? I’ve got my way with words. But you gotta coax them out from behind this mouth. I’m not talking flattery. I’m talking persuasion. Seduce the letters and make them form into words that will flow freely from within my soul. Come here….lemme show you how:
Woman You Never Met At The Liquor Store
He – Can you recommend a fruity white wine?
She – I’m sorry. I don’t work here.
He – I know this. Can you recommend one anyhow?
She – I’m afraid I know nothing about fruity white wines. I only drink red.
He – So tell me about your favourite red wine, seeing as you’ll be drinking it anyhow.
Woman At Work You Want To Take Out To Dinner
He – Have you tried that Italian place down the street?
She – No, I might check it out this weekend.
He – I heard they have the best cheesecake in the area.
She – Oooooh. I like cheesecake.
He – I like cheesecake. And you. It only makes sense that I take you this weekend.
It’s not even what you’re saying, but how you’re saying it. You make eye contact and you keep it. And maybe during that conversation, you’ll randomly throw in the fact that you just noticed a sliver of yellow in the pupil of her eye. Or how her lipgloss looks especially perfect. Or how much you love her calves – yes, calves! (Shoutout to my boy Cash Money who perfected this on EVERY. WOMAN. HE. WANTED. TO. BED.
Now, grab a book. Any book. Or a sports magazine. Or the newspaper. Or porn even (selfless plug right here baby!) Read it out loud in front of the bathroom mirror and practice looking yourself in the eye. And then email my girl @HL_BB at firstname.lastname@example.org and tell her you’re going to talk to her and Skye and Max and myself on June 23rd 2011 at Tequila Bookworm in Toronto…..
…..and I’ll tell you all about my favourite red wine.