I don’t have a title for this post.
I have so many questions and no one willing to answer. Help?
I’m sitting in my car in a plaza parking lot. I just wiped away more tears. The goons argued this morning and I smacked them. It wasn’t a hard smack, but it’s always so dramatic. They’re always stunned like they can’t believe I raised my hand at them. I was mad because they were mad. One of them said, “I don’t like my brother”. That hurt more than the smack, I’m sure of it.
How could you not like your brother? Two weeks ago, again out of anger, the same goon said he actually “hated” his brother. I didn’t raise my hand then. All I said was he had issues and needed to see the school counsellor. But I didn’t follow through.
This morning I threatened to storm into the school office with both of them and demand help or else I’d do something we’d all regret. But I didn’t. I told them they had to make an appointment on their own at some point today. I’ll be making a phone call to the school soon.
How could you not like your sibling? I have three siblings and I’ve never, not ever once said I hated them. Yes we fought as youngsters (probably more in adulthood than childhood) but I’ve never disliked them, let alone hate them!
I don’t know who to ask for guidance. Usually I’m the one dishing out advice. If I ask mom, she’ll just tell me very gently to let them be, that they’ll get over it. Mom panics when she hears me exchanging words with them. She says I’m mean and too rough with them. She doesn’t believe in tough love.
It’s times like these that I miss my aunt. She’d have some words for me. And my grandmother. She’d help me laugh it off.
*sets iPhone playlist to Eminem*
Despite my single mom status, my children are actually very good kids. They’re very well behaved and respectful. And I’m not tooting any horns here. I’m telling it the way I hear it. Friends and family are constantly telling me this. Why can’t they get along though? Am I making too much of this? Their personalities are completely opposite. One is so damn serious all the time and the other is just too happy-go-lucky for his own good.
My wedding song played on the radio the other day and I called my ex-husband and made him listen with me. After the song was over ~ it was “Endless Love” by Lionel Ritchie and Diana Ross ~ he said, “You’ve got issues” and I laughed at him. I said, “Oh we’ll always have love for each other, don’t even front”. He didn’t disagree. Then again, I didn’t disagree that I have issues.
I need a cigarette.
I just want someone to say, “Mizz LL, THIS is what you’re going to do”. Then again, I’d probably tell this person to fuck right off ’cause I have control issues and can’t be told what to do.
Writing is so therapeutic.
Even if it’s typing random thoughts into your iPhone, it’s still therapeutic.
Where’s the damn sunshine?