Every once in a while, I get into this “dating” kick where I want to actually be accompanied to dinner/movies/drinks with a man. You know, meet someone new, get to know them a little bit
assuming they can actually converse and enjoy their company over a martini while butterflies build in anticipation of what’s next.
I can’t explain why I go through this. And frankly I don’t even want to. But I will say that due to the frustration that builds inside mainly because of the man
boy I’m currently talking to is at a stand-still, I feel the need to break out. And I crave TESTOSTERONE. And plenty of it.
So I decided to get all Savannah’ed up (read: sexy) and dragged my girl Gina with me to the local speed dating event. It’s been something I’ve wanted to try for a while but every time I mentioned it to my
pussy single friends, they felt a ways about it. But I convinced newly single Gina to try it with me, if even for a night of laughs.
I don’t even know what to say next. Horrible? Disappointing? Waste of my life and I want my two hours back? Out of the twenty men there, I checked “yes” beside three names and two of those names are for friendship alone as I don’t see myself sharing anything more than possibly a bite of my carbonara pasta with them. I exchanged more phone numbers with the FEMALES than the men.
All looks aside (I’m trying hard not to reveal my true, vain self here), I opened my mind and put on my bubbly, outgoing self and decided I’d give every single man a fair chance.
Here’s my findings:
1. Only 2 out of the 20 men had children. Why am I surprised at this? Well I was hoping there’d be at least a handful of men at a similar level as myself. I mean, who better to understand my time restraint and lack of energy and not wanting to see you on a Friday night than a single parent? I was hoping I’d have more options.
2. 10 out of the 20 men smelled good. 5 of the 10 over-did it with the Polo Blue. Do the calculations. That leaves 5 men that smelled good enough for a neck licking
assuming they had the looks to be worthy of said licking. Really? 5?!? Just 5?!?! I don’t know. Smelling delicious is my #1 priority. Ok. Maybe my #2 priority but you get the picture. I like a man whose scent gently wafts in the air. Not forces itself into my nostrils.
3. There was zero chocolate. Zero. Not even Cookies ‘n Creme. 4 out of 20 were of Southeast Asian descent (one of which was dressed to the tits but I’ll discuss that further), 1 was East Indian and the others were…..CAUCASIAN. I was craving chocolate. But I should know better than to expect hot chocolate at an event such as this.
4. 2 out of the 20 men were dressed to impress. TWO. Do the math! That’s like, nothing percent man!!! Kudos to the above mentioned Southeast Asian who was clean AND fresh and smiled like he was enjoying being at this lame event!! He was one of the three that got my “yes” vote. One man looked like he had just got in from work! I don’t know. I’m still shaking my head.
5. Only 2 out of the 20 men held eye contact with me and did not miss a beat while they spoke. And both these men “spoke”. As you know (because I’m so damn passionate about this), I love a man who can hold conversation. And having good conversation requires constant eye contact. With no extra silliness either – there was a man who actually stuck out his tongue after every time he thought he was being funny.
6. This fact was brought to my attention only AFTER all the men had their 3 minutes of fame. And this is courtesy of my girl Gina (who I’m not even surprised that this was the first thing out of her mouth once she saw me after the dating). “Did you notice their hands?!?! They all had small hands!!!!” I thought about it for 6 seconds and realized that yes, every hand that I shook that evening did not overpower mine in the least. ENOUGH. SAID.
What now? Well, if any of those 3 men that I checked “yes” to also checked “yes” off beside my name, the organization in charge of this speed dating event will send me an email with their contact information. I’ll let you know what happens next.
Despite my disappointment, I’m not one to give up. I’ll try it again, maybe research it a little bit more, ask more questions, but I’ll definitely try it again. It was fun. Ok Gina and the merlot and the hot women friends I made were fun but nontheless, I’ll give it another shot.
One thing’s for damn sure though…..I will definitely NOT get all Savannah’ed up next time.