In Memory…Terry

He's home in heaven.

So many thoughts. And I can’t find a single way to make sense of them all.

You’d think I’d have this down pat, having lost so many loved ones to this fucking disease. Fuck cancer.

Terry was 29.

Was. I can’t believe I’m using his name in the past tense.

There’s nothing I can say. I can’t express my emotions right now. All’s I know is, it’s wrong. This is wrong. Growing up as the eldest cousin on mom’s side meant I would be the first to die. At 89. And everyone would follow in the order they were born. That was my theory and that was how it would go. Nowhere in that little theory of mine was anyone supposed to die before me. And no one was going to be sick either. No one would suffer, no one would cry, no one would feel any pain. And especially not Terry. Not my little cousin with the big smile and the dark, shining, smiling eyes who never bothered the other cousins, never complained, never sulked. Ever. And anyone who knew Terry will tell you the same.

Always a smile on his face.

To be surrounded by so many friends and family at the hour of one’s death speaks volumes. He was well-loved, funny, always positive, bright, clever and an all-around beautiful person. And to say that he’ll be missed would be an understatement.

Rest in eternal paradise my sweet, sweet Terry. I’m so jealous of who you’re with and where you’re at right now.

Though we never left you
And you spoke very few words
We’ll never forget you
From the stories we’ve heard
For you, I know brother
A baby, a mothers pain
‘Cause your soul is in heaven
But your memory remains

I know, I know brother
We’ll meet again someday
I know, I know brother
We’ll walk through fields
Where children play

Your eyes shined bright
When you were a kid
Your family loved you
And all that you did
Big brother, big brother
Don't worry a bit
Your flame has not faded
Since the day it was lit

Your life was a joy
Your mommas oldest boy
And when the skies are blue
Big brother
They’re blue for you

We will smile at pictures
Of you as a boy
Before you retired
To Heavenly joy

I know, I know brother
We’ll meet again someday
I know, I know brother
We’ll walk through fields
Where children play
Lyrics from "Unknown Brother", The Black Keys, edited by Jimmy Soares

Terence Carreiro November 23, 1981 - October 4, 2011
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