I’m not even sure how to start this or where this is going to end up but I’m sure that once I let my mind wander with thoughts of you, words will spill uncontrollably onto this pad of paper, the way you spill uncontrollably….well, you know what I’m saying.
It’s so cliché, but from that first moment I met you, the first time I saw your smile, there was something so familiar about you. I wanted to snuggle up next to you immediately, wanted to curve my fingers into yours and hold your hand forever.
You’re my sanity. I swear you’re my sanity; the way you tell me to “hush now” or how you sternly call out my name when you sense I’m about to lose it. But my temper tantrums are never aimed at you. There’s nothing I need to complain about when it comes to you, nothing to change, nothing I would make different.
I smell you. It’s not even your fancy scents you put on, but your smell; your skin’s natural scent that fills my nostrils when I’m not even near you, that musky, sweet smell that fills my mind and body with lust for you. And I smell you now, for no reason at all.
You’re my sanctuary. When I cuddle up to the warmth of you, the glow of your fireplace surrounding me and you, your strong hand resting lightly on my bare thigh, your fingers gently playing with my skin, as I inhale, deeply, the aroma of your candles wafting in the air and that smell that is you…I smile now thinking about it.
And your skin. I’ve tried describing it as the rich milk chocolate that I think it is, Godiva maybe, Lindt…but I swear it does no justice to what it really is. My nails can’t get enough of that chocolate, can’t dig any deeper into that skin, possession and passion just consuming all of me, wanting that chocolate to melt over my body, my skin, into my pores…
I can’t even write about your mouth without taking a minute to think about all it’s done, all it’s said, every word spoken and moans groaned and laughs chuckled and thoughts shared and how many times you’ve called out to me and how my name sounds extra sweet from your mouth and how it rolls off your tongue like that Grand Marnier I adore and….oh, that mouth.
I want to thank you for being you, for never changing and not messing with my mind or playing games or ever taking advantage of my weakness that is you. You’re my weakness.
I look into your eyes and try to read what’s behind them but you sense me, you know me so well that shortly after, you’re asking me to ask what’s on your mind and I ask you and you tell me what’s been on your mind, you know, you just know, you always know what I’m feeling and how I’m feeling and your “Why didn’t you just ask me?” in that deep, throaty voice of yours that sends flutters all up and down my spine and dips straight into this valley you so love to touch. That voice. I play it over and over again in my mind, I hear it in my ears even when you’re not near me…
Your hands. Your touch. It lingers and you can’t keep your hands off me, can’t keep from touching, grabbing, caressing, loving. And I long to have your hands on me, touching, grabbing, caressing, loving…
Your strong back that signifies your strength. Your ability to carry on two jobs to maintain the lifestyle you need to raise those extensions of you that you’re so proud of, so much love in your eyes when you speak of them. I’m proud of the hard worker in you, proud of the father you are, proud of the man I’ve seen grow right in front of my eyes.
There’s so much I’m grateful for, so much you’ve taught me, so much more I want to learn. I don’t want to ever stop learning with you. I don’t want to stop receiving. I don’t want to lose your touch, your scent, your presence and all of your essence.
Thank you…for being you, for proving so many wrong, for being the strong and silent and intelligent you that I have come to love.
Don’t ever change and don’t ever let anyone change you.
Your being keeps my senses alive…