I’m pullin’ over near your building, I light a candle on the dashboard, we’re chillin’. I knew a girl like you would love a scene like this, you got class but deep down you’re real freakish, you got it all, but you never had a wild episode. – ‘Backseat’ ~ LL Cool J

Original journal entry: 

Wednesday, August 13, 2008, 3:53 p.m.

As great as it always is, I end up with tears in my eyes after he leaves me.  Emptiness.  I never know when I’ll see him next.

I smell him on me.  I don’t smell my scent at all, just his.  Which makes me smile because this means my scent is on him.

He wore a blue suit, with beige and blue pinstripes, a matching beige and blue striped dress shirt and his tie?  Completely flattering.  I close my eyes and picture him in front of me.

He said he liked my outfit.  I’m so glad I changed my mind three times this morning.  I put some serious thought into my outfit today.  I think he just liked the fact that I wasn’t wearing a bra under my halter.  And he thoroughly enjoyed the fact that I wore lace panties under this skirt.  And he liked the heels.  I made sure to take them off so as not to scratch the leather in the back seat though.  He contemplated having me leave them on.

I couldn’t get enough of him.  I kissed him everywhere, making sure of course, not to leave any lipstick marks on his shirt – he was going back to the office – but he didn’t seem to care.  He looked me in the eyes the entire time.  The kind of look you give your long-time lover, deep, penetrating, loving, sensual.  But I can count on one hand the amount of times we’ve made love.  We’re not long-time lovers.  Yet.

Afterward, as I sat half-naked in the backseat of his Audi, he turned to me and said, “Ok, you know what?  I gotta say this.  Yeah.  You’re great.”  I turned to him and said, “A lover once told me that you can only be as great as your lover is, which means you make me great.”  He didn’t argue.  After all, those were his words.

I watched him, standing outside his car, at the dead-end of the street we were on, as he fixed his shirt and tied on a perfect knot on his tie.  And he watched me watch him.  When we got back inside the car, I said, “You’re so damn sexy.”  And ever so securely, ever so the confident man that so attracted me to him in the first place, he replied, “Baby girl, you are.  I tell you that all the time but you don’t seem to believe me.” I laughed and said, “After just making you come in two minutes, yes, I know I’m sexy.”

“So another first for us,” he said. “Can’t say I’ve ever had sex on a dead-end street.”

I smiled. I love our firsts. And I love that he’s experiencing this with me. Me. After all these years, still experiencing firsts.

I fall a little bit more every time I see him…

And I still smell him on me.


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